I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize