So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
