Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
All I want is dick and wine.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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