Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
