Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
