im six kinds of drunk right now
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
