I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
