ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
