zippers are such a cool invention
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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