My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
