My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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