im about as happy as oj after his trial
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
