things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
