GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
