how can u be prego again
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
