do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
