We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
