if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
