Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize