There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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