He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
