you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
