i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
