If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
