i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
