evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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