Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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