Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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