yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
