xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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