I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
