wat bout pragnant strippers??
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
