my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
