All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
