Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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