am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
