the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I could make wine with my vomit
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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