My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
