Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
