I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
