Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize