Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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