ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
