I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize