dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
