oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
...so i touched it.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
