Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
