He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
