someone get that fucking seahorse.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
