saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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