Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
