I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
