He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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