Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
