I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
