the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
