NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
