I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
