dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
