So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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