i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
