fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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