Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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