I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
cat food counts as protein by the way
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
