I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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