what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
