My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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