Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
