I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Randomize
