I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
