Plan B is the new Plan A
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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