can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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