He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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