so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
